I’m struggling to learn Estonian. I study 3-6 hours a day plus 18 hours a week in the classroom. At home, I feel like I know the words and the conjugations. In class ,when the teacher calls on me, I freeze.
This is a new experience for me as generally I’m a good student, I love taking classes, and while I may to work hard at things, I generally do well. Until now.
I wake up every day excited to go to class and then leave dejected and deflated. I tell myself it doesn’t really matter as there is no real consequence in my life if I don’t do well in this class.
This feeling of falling on my face day after day makes me think about all the struggling students out there. Students for whom their grade is a make or break situation. Students who are trying to take a class to get a better job, learn new skills that they will need in the workforce, or even those like some of my classmates from Ukraine who are medical students. They have fled Ukraine and want to finish their studies in Estonia, but need to study in Estonian. That is a level of proficiency that I do not need to obtain if I don’t want to or can’t.
Learning to be a so/so student is new to me and maybe I need to accept my limitations. However, I am grateful for this amazing opportunity to learn everything new again in life. It’s a precious gift.
